Robyn BoxRetail and the Christmas Spirit
December 17th 2006 10:33
Why is everyone so damn cynical! Even I, the most cynical of people, manage to get into the spirit of Christmas; the tack, the cheese and the TV movies – all of it. I love it. I work in an up-market retail store in Bondi Junction, and all of the staff working in the Westfield complex, (and the customers too it seems) loath the Christmas period. It seems to be the time of the year that attracts the most obnoxious type of customer:
Type #1: The Mobile Phone Prince/Princess
I don’t like to be sexist, and I try to avoid generalizations but it is in my experience that these types usually tend to be female. This type of person walks into the store on her mobile phone talking at the top of her voice, usually to a supposed friend about whatever melodrama is going on that hour. The first type, approach you while you’re still on the phone – it doesn’t matter if there were three people in front of them, they whisper and mouth words way too large even a deaf person wouldn’t be able to lip read and proceeds to point vaguely in the direction of what you want. The pseudo mobile phone princess ignores you until their public mobile phone conversation is finished and then demands to be served the instance they release their flip lock cover thingy.
Type #2: Spoiled wife of millionaire who has never worked a day in her life
This type does also tend to be female - this type of customer can be recognized by fake acrylic nails, sunglasses indoor, and shrill incredulous tone. These people do not speak – they also cannot do anything for themselves. The other day “one” tapped me on the shoulder, and without a word, made a rude beckoning gesture, and proceeded to point to things around the store that she wanted (I guess she had just had her nails done and so she couldn’t possibly pick anything up herself). This type of customer pays in cash usually, or their husbands’ black amex, but still quibbles over the price of everything. If I weren’t the professional, polite sales person that I am I would remind her that up market retail prices cannot be bartered down – we’re not at the markets. Nothing can ever be done quick enough, or well enough, and your performance is usually adjudicated by deep sighs, tutting and scowling.
Type #3: Delivery hounds
These instances usually involve the male gender, (however usually on behalf of the wife). Rich people who expect things delivered, won’t pay for delivery and expect us to work miracles getting their lounge suits, or dinner tables or crockery – whatever it is delivered before the suggested deadline. Aggressive, rich men who call up or arrive and harass the nearest employee, making threats refusing to pay, not realizing that whatever issue he has should be taken up with the delivery company as there is nothing at all that we can do about it, and it is not our problem to move heaven and earth because they think they are far more important than anyone else in the whole entire world and so things should be different for them.
Type #4: Extended family slash friend slash vague aquaintance of designer or wholesaler.
This type, will blag off some vague excuse about how they're freaking Laura Ashley's friends' dogs' cousins' hairdressers' fifth cousin once removed and how they are just so working part time for this designer and therefor tries to talk staff into giving them a discount because they're obviously associated with the business. Or if they're smart, pretends to be taking 'pieces' for a 'photo shoot' and tries to get staff to put it on the account because they are obviously a very important person, running errands for so and so who is simply to busy designing to call up and arrange a pick up themselves. All I have to say to you types is - give up, we're not buying it. Pay up you cheap skates!
ANYWAY...The other day we had carolers come past the shop. These two boys and two girls had arranged original Christmas carols into uptempo jazz melodies, and it really was very impressive and pleasant – great harmonies, fantastic spirit and generall just a cheery pick me up for a chaotic Saturday in the world of retail. They were chased away by nutty customers “move on, move on” gesturing like they were dogs – “go away, shoo!”. I cannot understand what it is about Christmas that everyone is getting so cynical about. It shouldn’t be about how much we spent on our friends, (I don’t even get presents), but even so, can shopping really make a person that miserable?
I have a theory that because it is a shopping complex, the employees are seen as the lowest of the low – shop kids, retail freaks, people obviously far below your average spender. Go to an area like Double Bay, or any other area with Boutique shopping and the way you are treated as an employee immediately changes. Shopping centers are busy and rowdy; everyone is scrambling for the best sales price, so somehow customers think it is acceptable to be bolshy and rude. In boutique shopping areas, everything is much quieter, the area is usually quieter as well, and much prettier, you’re outside, the sun is shining, you might even have a spot of lunch, everyone is very happy and polite. But I have to work in fucking Westfield - the seventh circle of retail hell!
My favourite type of customer (besides the polite and friendly 25 and ups) are the panic shoppers. Usually male, usually waay behind in the Christmas shopping especially for gifts for family, friends and lovers. The office secret santa was arranged weeks ago but for some reason this “type” leave the important stuff right up until the last minute. These guys (sorry but it’s true), enter the store with a credit card in hand. Anything I point to turns to gold.
Another favourite: Fuddy-duddy dads.
Flirtatious but harmless, these men love to be charmed. Will spend hours asking your opinion on pieces – “would you like this?” “Would you put it in your home?” “Would you wear this?” “It’s not too young?” “This piece is for a young lady, what do you think? I’m so out of touch these days”. Generally fidgety, a tendency towards over-sharing (think Kevin Spacey in American Beauty pre mid-life crisis epiphany). Essentially sweet, kind, nervous, and a bloody goldmine to flog your goods to. I’d almost feel guilty taking their money, but I’ve been in this business too long. And, they’re kind of asking for it.
I was brought up Jewish so I never got a Christmas growing up. My mum is Jewish and my Dad is lapsed Catholic so we never really celebrated anything. I didn’t get presents, I still don’t really (although late December is always a good time to ask for a treat). What I still love about Christmas day is the emphasis on togetherness. Every Christmas we go to our close family friends, we have a big traditional Christmas lunch/dinner, with all the trimmings, eat too much, drink too much, get too much sun, swim. The night usually finishes with some awful karaoke attempts at some ridiculous hour of the morning. We watch the cheesy Christmas movies on tv – I LOVE “Muppets Christmas Carol”, (Michael Caine rocks the big one!) and generally just have a good arse time. I wish I could spread some of this joy to the customers (and employees for that matter) that I serve daily. I wish I could sprinkle some fairy dust over them, just like in the movies, and the spirit of Christmas would be revived. If santa’s sleigh really did run on Christmas cheer – he wouldn’t be getting anywhere the state these people are in. I don’t think of myself as the most romantic idealist. I hate New Years, and birthdays, but I start getting excited walking down the aisles at Myer sometime in early October, and the Christmas decorations are making their way up the walls. Little voice activated santas wave at me as I look for one more Christmas bauble to add to my imaginary tree. Call me a sucker for the holidays, but if I could spread my spirit of Christmas around the place, this retail period wouldn’t be as stressful and annoying as it is. So next time you go out shopping for your various trinkets for friends and family, just stop and think for a second and try to do a mini-meditation, visualizing the spirit of Christmas in your icy cold hearts. And remember that we lowly retail employees are working hard to provide you a service, and remember what goes around comes around. Santa’s going to be making a list, checking it twice, going to find out who’s naughty or nice – and right now he wants to bitch slap some of you around a little. You don’t even get a lump of coal in your stocking. No! No coal for you! That is all.
Type #1: The Mobile Phone Prince/Princess
I don’t like to be sexist, and I try to avoid generalizations but it is in my experience that these types usually tend to be female. This type of person walks into the store on her mobile phone talking at the top of her voice, usually to a supposed friend about whatever melodrama is going on that hour. The first type, approach you while you’re still on the phone – it doesn’t matter if there were three people in front of them, they whisper and mouth words way too large even a deaf person wouldn’t be able to lip read and proceeds to point vaguely in the direction of what you want. The pseudo mobile phone princess ignores you until their public mobile phone conversation is finished and then demands to be served the instance they release their flip lock cover thingy.
Type #2: Spoiled wife of millionaire who has never worked a day in her life
This type does also tend to be female - this type of customer can be recognized by fake acrylic nails, sunglasses indoor, and shrill incredulous tone. These people do not speak – they also cannot do anything for themselves. The other day “one” tapped me on the shoulder, and without a word, made a rude beckoning gesture, and proceeded to point to things around the store that she wanted (I guess she had just had her nails done and so she couldn’t possibly pick anything up herself). This type of customer pays in cash usually, or their husbands’ black amex, but still quibbles over the price of everything. If I weren’t the professional, polite sales person that I am I would remind her that up market retail prices cannot be bartered down – we’re not at the markets. Nothing can ever be done quick enough, or well enough, and your performance is usually adjudicated by deep sighs, tutting and scowling.
Type #3: Delivery hounds
These instances usually involve the male gender, (however usually on behalf of the wife). Rich people who expect things delivered, won’t pay for delivery and expect us to work miracles getting their lounge suits, or dinner tables or crockery – whatever it is delivered before the suggested deadline. Aggressive, rich men who call up or arrive and harass the nearest employee, making threats refusing to pay, not realizing that whatever issue he has should be taken up with the delivery company as there is nothing at all that we can do about it, and it is not our problem to move heaven and earth because they think they are far more important than anyone else in the whole entire world and so things should be different for them.
Type #4: Extended family slash friend slash vague aquaintance of designer or wholesaler.
This type, will blag off some vague excuse about how they're freaking Laura Ashley's friends' dogs' cousins' hairdressers' fifth cousin once removed and how they are just so working part time for this designer and therefor tries to talk staff into giving them a discount because they're obviously associated with the business. Or if they're smart, pretends to be taking 'pieces' for a 'photo shoot' and tries to get staff to put it on the account because they are obviously a very important person, running errands for so and so who is simply to busy designing to call up and arrange a pick up themselves. All I have to say to you types is - give up, we're not buying it. Pay up you cheap skates!
ANYWAY...The other day we had carolers come past the shop. These two boys and two girls had arranged original Christmas carols into uptempo jazz melodies, and it really was very impressive and pleasant – great harmonies, fantastic spirit and generall just a cheery pick me up for a chaotic Saturday in the world of retail. They were chased away by nutty customers “move on, move on” gesturing like they were dogs – “go away, shoo!”. I cannot understand what it is about Christmas that everyone is getting so cynical about. It shouldn’t be about how much we spent on our friends, (I don’t even get presents), but even so, can shopping really make a person that miserable?
I have a theory that because it is a shopping complex, the employees are seen as the lowest of the low – shop kids, retail freaks, people obviously far below your average spender. Go to an area like Double Bay, or any other area with Boutique shopping and the way you are treated as an employee immediately changes. Shopping centers are busy and rowdy; everyone is scrambling for the best sales price, so somehow customers think it is acceptable to be bolshy and rude. In boutique shopping areas, everything is much quieter, the area is usually quieter as well, and much prettier, you’re outside, the sun is shining, you might even have a spot of lunch, everyone is very happy and polite. But I have to work in fucking Westfield - the seventh circle of retail hell!
My favourite type of customer (besides the polite and friendly 25 and ups) are the panic shoppers. Usually male, usually waay behind in the Christmas shopping especially for gifts for family, friends and lovers. The office secret santa was arranged weeks ago but for some reason this “type” leave the important stuff right up until the last minute. These guys (sorry but it’s true), enter the store with a credit card in hand. Anything I point to turns to gold.
Another favourite: Fuddy-duddy dads.
Flirtatious but harmless, these men love to be charmed. Will spend hours asking your opinion on pieces – “would you like this?” “Would you put it in your home?” “Would you wear this?” “It’s not too young?” “This piece is for a young lady, what do you think? I’m so out of touch these days”. Generally fidgety, a tendency towards over-sharing (think Kevin Spacey in American Beauty pre mid-life crisis epiphany). Essentially sweet, kind, nervous, and a bloody goldmine to flog your goods to. I’d almost feel guilty taking their money, but I’ve been in this business too long. And, they’re kind of asking for it.
I was brought up Jewish so I never got a Christmas growing up. My mum is Jewish and my Dad is lapsed Catholic so we never really celebrated anything. I didn’t get presents, I still don’t really (although late December is always a good time to ask for a treat). What I still love about Christmas day is the emphasis on togetherness. Every Christmas we go to our close family friends, we have a big traditional Christmas lunch/dinner, with all the trimmings, eat too much, drink too much, get too much sun, swim. The night usually finishes with some awful karaoke attempts at some ridiculous hour of the morning. We watch the cheesy Christmas movies on tv – I LOVE “Muppets Christmas Carol”, (Michael Caine rocks the big one!) and generally just have a good arse time. I wish I could spread some of this joy to the customers (and employees for that matter) that I serve daily. I wish I could sprinkle some fairy dust over them, just like in the movies, and the spirit of Christmas would be revived. If santa’s sleigh really did run on Christmas cheer – he wouldn’t be getting anywhere the state these people are in. I don’t think of myself as the most romantic idealist. I hate New Years, and birthdays, but I start getting excited walking down the aisles at Myer sometime in early October, and the Christmas decorations are making their way up the walls. Little voice activated santas wave at me as I look for one more Christmas bauble to add to my imaginary tree. Call me a sucker for the holidays, but if I could spread my spirit of Christmas around the place, this retail period wouldn’t be as stressful and annoying as it is. So next time you go out shopping for your various trinkets for friends and family, just stop and think for a second and try to do a mini-meditation, visualizing the spirit of Christmas in your icy cold hearts. And remember that we lowly retail employees are working hard to provide you a service, and remember what goes around comes around. Santa’s going to be making a list, checking it twice, going to find out who’s naughty or nice – and right now he wants to bitch slap some of you around a little. You don’t even get a lump of coal in your stocking. No! No coal for you! That is all.
| 108 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
